It seems that more and more
Christians are finding themselves
heartbroken and disillusioned.
bean-eating habits provide an accurate
illustration of our society. It seems that no
matter how much we have, we still want
that brand-new item sparkling in the store
window. For instance, who needs thirty
coffee mugs? Yet, for Grandma’s sixtieth
birthday, what will she get? Another
coffee mug of course, with pictures of her
beaming grandchildren on it. Society’s
general discontentment has greatly
affected all aspects of our lives, especially
how Christian singles view their relationships. Young people are encouraged to be
always eyeing that next jelly bean in the
bowl, just in case a current boyfriend or
girlfriend does not work out. They are
never truly committed, because they are
worried that if they are not “looking,” they
might miss out on something better. This
discontentment is just one of the major
flaws of the world’s dating philosophy.
“How do I know I’m going to marry
the right one? What if the person meant
for me dies or marries someone else? Is
there actually just one match for each of
us?” If you are single, these questions
have probably bounced around in your
head from time to time. Because they
have been influenced by the world’s lie,
Christian young people struggle with
commitment. They think that finding the
right partner is a matter of chance, that
they must search for the perfect one, try
out as many as possible, and hope they
pick one who will satisfy them for life
(which is unlikely). Our small, weak
minds so easily forget that God is sovereign—all knowing and in control. He
designed marriage, and He declared that it
was not good for Adam to be alone. We
see in Scripture that God actually had
someone “appointed” for Isaac (Genesis
24: 14). God knows everything, and He is
never surprised. He does not look at a
single woman and say, “I wonder whom
she will marry? I hope it works.” Rather,
if we are traveling on God’s road, seeking
to honor Him, each of us can marry His
best choice. The world is completely
mistaken! Finding God’s perfect someone
is not a matter of chance but rather is a
result of faith.
How a courting couple views commitment is one of the greatest distinctions
between courting and dating. With dating,
couples try out a relationship to see how it
works. They assume that they will really
get to know each other while sitting at a
romantic dinner, flirting, looking their
best, and playing footsies under the table.
That process is deeply flawed, because
once emotional attachment begins, objectivity greatly diminishes. Couples truly do
not get to know each other through typical
dating. It is therefore understandable why
commitment is so difficult.
When my husband and I decided to
court, we found that the courting process
actually fueled our commitment. Initially,
we were solid friends who had been
watching each other for months. I noticed
that he was kind, respectful, and unselfish
and that his conduct reflected a desire to
serve God and others. To be content with
such a good man, whom I trusted and
knew so well as a friend, was not difficult
but natural.
While courting, my husband and I
implemented four basic principles for our
relationship: Commitment, Accountability,
Rejection of the world’s dating philosophy,
and Establishing physical boundaries to
protect purity (CARE). These principles
allowed us to worship God in our choices
as we moved toward marriage. Though my
own parents were separated, I knew that
divorce would not be in our future.
Young people need to consider what
kind of foundation their marriage will be
built upon. It seems that more and more
Christians are finding themselves heart-
Christina Rogers is the author of the new book, Leave
Dating Behind: A Road Map to Marriage, published by
Ambassador Emerald.
broken and disillusioned. This is neither
God’s will nor His plan. He has created a
clear path for us to follow if we simply
will trust in Him and place our hearts in
His care. True love is founded in faith.
Christina Rogers was homeschooled from
grade 2 all the way through high school.
She is an Associate of the Royal
Conservatory of Toronto in speech and
drama. Christina and her husband live in
Alberta, Canada, with their three young
children. She is the author of the new book,
Leave Dating Behind: A Road Map to
Marriage, published by Ambassador
Emerald ( www.emeraldhouse.com).
