;eRelational Homeschooler
Diana Waring
Becoming Best Friends
More than twenty-;ve years ago, I read an article writ- ten by Edith Schae;er, in which she described her
lifelong goal of becoming a best friend
to her husband and children. Having three little children at the time, I
was quite startled by the novel idea of
my children being my “best friends.”
My husband had been one of my best
friends since college days, but my children were, well, children. How was it
possible to build friendship with those I
was parenting? I mean, can you imagine
telling a dear friend, “Brush your teeth
and go to bed right now”? It seemed
slightly ludicrous. However, some years
In order to experience deep sharing, we must
carve out a time, a place, and an environment
where it is safe to share . . . .
to search out the essential elements of
being “friendly”—a true friend—our list
would certainly include these elements:
increase the joys and decrease the stresses
of parenting! So let us take a brief look at a
few of these critical elements and consider
practical steps at implementing them.
prior, Edith’s book, What Is a Family?,
1
had given me a profound glimpse into
what it means to have a Christian family. I had learned through my own experience as a wife and mother to trust
Edith’s perspective, so I began to consider what changes I must make in my
parenting if I were to build a deep and
lasting friendship with my children—
one that would extend through the years
into their adulthood.
Proverbs 18: 24 tells us, “A man who has
friends must himself be friendly. . .”
2 ;is
is a concept we accept, simple and suc-
cinct. But what does it mean? If we were
•;Spending time together
•;Being an active and engaged listener
•;Finding similar hobbies or areas of
interest that can be enjoyed together
•;Respecting one another, even if there
are di;erences of opinion
• Being vulnerable and honest with
the other
•;Knowing we are all safe to be our-
selves with the other, accepted and
beloved for who we are
• Valuing the other deeply, which
leads to loving actions and words
• Learning what communicates love
to the other, and then doing it
•;Giving sacri;cially of our time, our
money—even our own desires—in
order to bene;t the other
;ough we might agree with the list
(and wish someone would befriend us in
this way!), we are le; with the question of
how we can actually do this within our
own very human and imperfect fami-
lies, especially with the added pressures
and extraordinary demands on parents
who homeschool. Fortunately, every for-
ward step we take on this list will actually
Spend Time Together
It sounds so obvious, doesn’t it? If you
are homeschooling, you may be thinking, “We are always together!” Yet this
time is not the normal “make-your-bed,
did-you-;nish-your-homework, who-le;-the-milk-out” kind of interaction that ;lls
our days. I’m speaking of special time together, the kind that requires thoughtful
implementation. What you are seeking is
to create environments and opportunities
for building friendship: laughing together,
doing interesting stu; together, sharing
together.
Discover the di;erent activities that
delight your spouse and that delight
your kids—and one of the best ways is
to ask them! Sometimes you will focus
on home—host a “family fun” weekend
when you ;x fun food, read fun books
out loud, play fun games, perhaps watch
fun DVDs, and no work allowed! Go on
some adventures away from home too.
For example, go to the zoo, laugh at the
funny antics of the “characters” in the
zoo, and then discover which animal
each one likes best and why!
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