incapacitated or when they die. Assure
them that you don’t want to invade their
privacy—many older people don’t like to
share personal financial details, for example—you simply want the assurance
that you will be able to follow their wishes
when the time comes, as it inevitably will.
Keep In Touch
Some of you are blessed to have parents living nearby where you can enjoy their company often, while other parents live at a distance. Either way, it is easy to overlook the
fact that they may not be as competent as
they once were. We assume that things will
never change, but change is a part of life.
As they age, watch for
signs that your parents
can no longer handle
their financial, physical,
or maintenance issues.
This is especially important if the parent lives
alone.
Put yourself in your
parents’ shoes, and carefully navigate around
their home. Are there
throw rugs that could
cause a fall? Is there
enough lighting for failing eyes to see clearly?
When was their furnace last checked? Do
you need to install grab bars in the tub or
shower? Does she need a railing for the
stairway? Do you need to schedule a family
workday or hire a handyman?
One family of seven drives their RV to
the husband’s parents’ home two and one-half hours away every two weeks. They live
in the RV while doing projects, cleaning,
changing sheets, etc. They cook favorite
foods to leave in small portions for freezer meals. They ask questions about family
history, and the children do skits around a
campfire and eat S’mores with their aging
grandparents. Another sibling has hired
help to come in a few days each week and
a meal delivery service two days a week.
Eventually the parents will require fulltime
care, but this family has found creative ways
to help bridge their parents’ independent
and dependent years.
Our aging parents need our emotional
support, too. Imagine how your once-active
parents feel as they see their independence
stripped away, one thing at a time. It may
feel like they are always losing something
important. They may no longer be working;
this is especially difficult for men whose
view of their worth was tied up in their ca-
reer and their ability to successfully fulfill
their job requirements. Older adults typi-
cally live on a smaller, fixed income. Per-
haps they no longer can spend as freely as
they did in the past.
Another loss may be a driver’s license.
Relying on others for transportation is diffi-
cult for adults who have been independent
all of their lives. Public transportation may
be confusing for elders, and it is often un-
available outside of large cities.
They begin losing friends and family
members who move away or die. Their so-
cial life is impacted by each loss. And per-
haps the greatest loss:
their once-healthy body
betrays them—they no
longer have the strength
and agility to do the
things they enjoy. It of-
ten feels like the losses
of old age far outnum-
ber the benefits. It is
true that the classes get
harder as we approach
graduation.
Lend emotional sup-
port by budgeting time
and money to allow
regular contact through
phone calls, email, and personal visits.
As my mother aged, the phone calls that
had been a Monday morning tradition
morphed into daily calls. I sensed that
she really didn’t want to end the calls each
morning, and decisions about running her
home became difficult. Finally, she told me
that she felt she should no longer be living
alone. During the time she lived with us, I
saw her relax into the light-hearted young
woman who had attracted my father so
many years before—she could relax since
she no longer was burdened with day-to-
day responsibilities.
Lean on the Lord as you face the realiza-
tion that things will never stay the same.
Pray for God’s grace on your parents as
they adjust to these losses, and pray that
He will lead you as you seek to honor your
parents, whether from a distance or in
your own home.
Remember this: your children will learn
how to honor you in your old age by watch-
ing what you do for your parents or your
spouse. You are laying the foundation for
your own future as you care for your par-
ents’ present.
Marcia K . Washburn cares for her mother-in-
law, an Alzheimer’s patient . Marcia has writ-
ten over a dozen books on parenting, home-
schooling, music, and eldercare including
Home-Based Eldercare: Stories and Strategies
for Caregivers (available at www.Marcia-
Washburn.com). Read additional articles at
ChristianFamilyEldercare.org. Eager to start
your own Family Notebook? Write Marcia
at Marcia@MarciaWashburn.com for free
downloadable pages to get you started .
www.TheOldSchoolhouse.com
www.MarciaWashburn.com
Home-Based
ELDERCARE
Stories and Strategies for Caregivers
by Marcia Washburn
What shall we do
about Mother?
ost of us haven’t
thought much about
caring for our
parents—they have always been
the ones who cared for us. But
now Dad’s health is failing.
Mom’s memory is slipping. How
can we best show honor for our
aging parents? Home-Based
Eldercare is a caregiver’s boot-
camp of
stories and
strategies
for those
who wonder
whether they
will be able
to care for
their loved
ones.
M
Your children will
learn how to honor
you in your old age
by watching what
you do for your
parents.
